I’ve had some realizations lately. I consulted myself and asserted my feelings why I get thoughts that I didn’t expect. I think it’s my subconscious trying to tell me of my feelings, which I didn’t pay any attention to.
I browsed and read my previous posts in this blog from the last few years, and I came to realize that I blogged more often and that there was transparency in most of my posts. I can still feel my emotions and what was going through as I read them. And I realized that the reason that I haven’t been blogging just as much isn’t really the lack of time or laziness. I just used the as an excuse not to blog. Should I be ashamed of myself because I’m a blogger?
As I grew and got to know more about life and its peculiarity, I learned that there are times when you shouldn’t or couldn’t disclose information or feelings. I think I’ve been masking my feelings lately to the point that I couldn’t blog about them, not even the things that I want to rant or what is happening to my life or what I think about them. One of the things why I love blogging was that it improved my grammar and sentence construction, but that’s the main reason why I love doing it in the first place. When I can’t express myself in real life, I do it through blogging.
When I started this blog, I post extremely long posts such as this one and I found out that most people don’t like reading this kind of stuffs. Who would read something that doesn’t concern them or they couldn’t relate to, right? So I started to lessen the things I write and posted pictures. I did enjoy them for a while, but editing and posting pictures just tire me out. I’m not as enthusiastic about it as doing this and ranting away. If you’ve been reading this blog years ago, you’d know what I mean and would have noticed the transition. I found it mandatory to include pictures to make my blog seem more interesting and would get more visitors. I got what I wanted, but in the long run, it felt like a chore. And people like me don’t like doing chores. So I procrastinate.
As my blog visitors grew in number, I became wary of what I should post, especially when people I know in real life, such as my classmates, workmates, and relatives found out about this. I don’t have control over who can view or read my blog. So I chose not to disclose things that I think might be personal. There are nosy people, and you don’t know that there are people who dislike you and would use that information against you. You might think that I’m getting paranoid, but admit it, it could happen to anyone. You might think that it’s silly of me not to think like this before, yes, you’re right. 😛
After a long time, I’ve come to a conclusion that I can still bog without ever feeling the need to post pictures every time I post a new one. I can blog without the feeling of being stalked or watched that I tend to be too cautious with every information I give away and end up not blogging.
I’ve been restricting myself from the thing that I truly want to do and it feels heavy. I’ve learned that paying attention to everyone, being concerned on every little thing that everyone would say about you, being influenced on what everyone would tell you hinders you from being the great person that you would become. I don’t want that to happen so I shouldn’t continue doing that and I’ll throw this useless emotional baggage down the drain.
If you’re wondering, yes, this is one of the emotional and personal posts that I used to write and haven’t done so in ages. I’m actually experiencing goosebumps as I write this post. Nostalgia, maybe? It feels like home. This feeling. So I’m not letting this go.
And yes, I will continue to write things like this on my blog. I truly missed this. The old Senyth is back. 🙂
Home truly is where the heart is. I found myself where I’m supposed to be. It didn’t take so much time. ~Lady Antebellum