“I was so selfish back then. I never thought of his feelings, only mine. I never considered his convenience, I only thought of mine. I only thought of my own predicament, not actually realizing what I’m running to. It’s only now that I’ve realized how foolish I was to come up to him and outright tell him how I feel. I still get tingles when I remember that moment; early morning in that lounge area beside the gym we used to hang out every free time we had. Whether that was a good thing or not, that I do not know. Perhaps I used to know. But now my head’s clouded of what could have been’s. There are just things I started too late and too early and I wish I didn’t do the latter.
What’s so good about Burke anyway? My friends used to ask. But they don’t see him the way I do. I think they’re trying to talk to me but I can’t seem to hear what they’re saying, or I just refuse to listen. He never said anything to me about this. His thoughts are impenetrable, kept hidden in the deepest darkest abyss that if I swim far enough, I’d never reach the bottom. Sure he talks a lot, says things he never meant to say, but he’s quiet when it comes to things like this. He was taken aback, I’m sure of that. Overwhelmed and caught off guard perhaps. He’s oblivious to the fact that someone loves him. I love him to the point that it almost makes me cry. Perhaps he didn’t expect that young lady beside him eery workout days in Darcy’s gym who used to be a good liar would actually be honest to herself and blurt the words he himself would find difficult to say out loud.
Now, tell me, Chad, is it a good thing to confess to a friend or not?”
– Winter’s Monologue